Monday Night RAW (Random Ass Wrestler) #5

This week, we look to late 90s WCW with this dude:

Yes, its the unforgettable Super Calo. This guy was a Mexican luchador who achieved absolutely no success in WCW at all, but is one of the few wrestlers to wear sunglasses during his matches. He also had a glam rock/Phantom Of The Opera hybrid style mask. Plus, what a nice signature.

10 Things I Could've Done Instead Of Watching England vs Ukraine

01. Made a contribution to charity.
02. Played "Crash Bandicoot" 1, 2 & 3.
03. Drafted a strongly worded letter to the council about the number of suspicious vehicles that keep parking up near our flat, but nobody seems to ever get out.
04. Gone for a run, preferably avoiding said suspicious vehicles.
05. Written a series of short stories about a courageous blind detective who is terrible at his job.
06. Paint a wall.
07. Watch the paint dry.
08. Repainted the wall again.
09. Studied the history of Ukraine.
10. Slept.

What an awful match. Roy Hodgson shows about as much passion as someone who's been forced to watch every Shia Lebeouf film in succession. And he still looks like an owl with a cork jammed up its arse.

Monday Night RAW (Random Ass Wrestler) #4

This week, its TL Hopper.

This bloke was a wrestling plumber. He used a toilet plunger as a weapon. It seems too easy to make a joke about him being "the shits" but...yeah, he really was.

Joe's Monday Night RAW (Random Ass Wrestler) #3

In order to celebrate the glorious return of my Monday Night RAW, here's possibly the worst wrestling character ever. It was a dude who actually thought he was a rooster, and made puns about not being "half-cocked" and such. Needless to say, he didn't have a very good career.

I Am King Haiku Vol 3

In honour of having been in the flat for a month, here's a haiku about it.

We've been here a month
Time flies when you're having fun
This was a slow month

I finally have Internet access blog

               That's right, you can all sleep a little sounder now, because we finally have broadband in the new flat, thus I can blog to my heart's content. I wish I could say a lot has happened in the last 3 weeks, but that's really not the case, at least personally. Although from watching the news and current affairs and all that, the only observation I feel compelled to make is that Ban Ki Moon sounds like the name of an Asian porn star, and also that Dick Van Dyke's car blew up, which was hilarious. Luckily he didn't die, otherwise it would have only been mildly funny.

                 I have also been working the night shift this week, because daytime pimping just isn't a lucrative business. I have also rediscovered my love of Tony Hawk games, as well as Super Noodles. I feel like a student again, except this time I'm not getting hammered every night and pissing out of the window. Which still could happen, to be fair.

Until next time, be good to yourselves and fuck everyone else.
Joe Ward
@wardylovesit

More general life musings

Hi there,

Busy times at the minute. I'm starting a new job tomorrow, and then moving into a new place through the week. Luckily both new job and new flat are in close proximity to each other, so hopefully the burden of public transport shall not rear it's ugly head. Its an exciting new chapter in the tome that is my life, and I'm almost certain that living in London won't turn me into a trendy douchebag type, as opposed to the scruffy and not very presentable douchebag type I already am.

Had a good week just gone too. Had a little gig on Wednesday in which I sang a song I wrote  several years ago to a room full of confused and I like to think morbidly aroused people, before being confronted by a strange old drunkard outside, who was telling people he wanted to fix them; like a sort of hobo version of Chris Martin, but still more likeable. I am going to endeavour to start doing at least a couple of gigs a week, because it really is cracking good fun and I wish I'd started doing it a lot sooner. Plus, people being complimentary to me massages my ego right good, while the soothing tones of Marvin Gaye play in my head.

Tim Burchell's annual house party was on Friday, as usual lot of fun and a chance to catch up with a few people I haven't seen in a while. The only negative is that my hangovers seem to get worse as I get older, and I also have strange Vietnam-style flashbacks. Full Beer Jacket, you might say. Thanks, that is a good gag.

Saw Charlton lose to Bournemouth yesterday, which was upsetting but nonetheless it was a fun day out, and for some reason it's the third time I have been to Bournemouth's ground. They have now finally built a fourth stand, so good for them. Yann Kermorgant, aka the Kermorgantelope, scored an absolute blinder too which was nice. Still, I've got faith in Charlton to have another good season in the Championship, while Chelsea of course cruise to every major trophy. Mourinho always delivers.

So yeah, just a snippet of my life there, it's very James Bond-esque, I'm sure you'll agree. Also, Mugabe won a 7th term as president of Zimbabwe this week. The fucker is 89 years old, he can barely run without shitting uncontrollably, let alone run a country. It's backwards. E ba gum.

Love, peace and standing in the crease,
Joe Ward
@wardylovesit