No doubt you've all seen the above image in recent times, its been all over different forms of media and has pretty much been a major talking point. In case you live under a rock (in which case, how the hell are you reading this), it is in fact former Disney Channel stalwart turned Dolph Lundgren-haircutted hussy Miley Cyrus, nakedly straddling a wrecking ball for her new music video. Now a lot of furore has been made over Miley's controversial antics - its difficult to avoid hearing her name at the moment - but nobody has really taken the time to think about how the wrecking ball feels....
UNTIL NOW! That's right, I've managed to procure an exclusive interview with arguably the most famous wrecking ball in the world, and this is the first time you'll get to read how it has reacted to the whole ordeal.
Hello, wrecking ball. How are things?
Yeah, not too bad considering.
Let's get straight to the nitty-gritty. This is undeniably a big deal. How have you adjusted to the sudden fame this video has afforded you?
Well I can't lie to you, it has been a little strange. One day you're just idly swinging and occasionally demolishing buildings, and the next you see yourself splashed over every news outlet in the world. It still hasn't really sunk in to be honest.
How exactly has your life changed as a result?
Its been difficult for me to just get on with my job unfortunately. All the time I have tourists taking pictures of me, teenagers and young adults climbing onto me and re-creating Miley's poses - strange old men occasionally smell or lick me...I guess it has to come with the territory, but its really affecting my day to day life.
How did you come to be involved with this video?
I had heard through the grapevine that Miss Cyrus had been looking to feature some kind of industrial machinery in her next video, and her people sent out scouts for locations and possible machines that they could use. I remember seeing them snooping around, but never thought twice about it. Then one day out of the blue, Miss Cyrus and her entourage show up, and I got chosen. Nobody even did a test run or anything, she just hopped on and went for it. I was a little concerned, if she had fallen off she was susceptible to a number of bruises or skin grafts, or possibly worse. Thankfully she didn't though, she must've done a lot of straddling beforehand.
Were you aware of the Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana phenomenon?
A little. I'd never seen the TV show or anything, but "Hoedown Throwdown" is an absolute tune.
Is it true there are talks for a biopic of your life to be made?
I've not heard anything. To be frank, that movie would be awful. Its not like I've led a particularly exciting life up to this point.
I guess all the other wrecking balls are jealous of you, eh?
Not really actually. Miley Cyrus is utterly riddled with disease. I wish somebody had given me a heads up.
Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. So, what does the future hold for you?
A lot of disinfectant.
Lastly, any words for your ever-expanding fanbase out there?
Never take your work for granted. Also if anyone needs anything demolished, I'm still available.
Thanks.
No worries. Oh shit, here comes another weird old man.
There you have it. A refreshingly honest interview from an object that is forever etched into popular culture. Godspeed, wrecking ball.
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