Tuesday 8 October 2013

What Rihanna's songs are really about

No doubt if you have been a resident of Earth within the last 5 or 6 years, you will have encountered at least one song by the singer Rihanna. Now, it would be very easy to dismiss these songs as throwaway pop numbers because, well frankly they are, but has anyone ever really listened to the lyrics? They may seem like innocuous ditties about familiar subjects like love, life and being excited by whips, but I believe there's more to them than that - allow me to furnish you with a few examples:

"We found love in a hopeless place" - this is actually based on a true event where Rihanna led a search party for former Hole lead singer and possible Kurt Cobain murderer Courteney Love, who had gone missing in Runcorn. They discovered her face down in a ditch.

"Oh nana, what's my name?" - this is about Rihanna's increasing frustration at how incredibly senile her grandmother has become.

"Don't stop the music" - this is an ode to the Leeds band The Music, who had brief success in the 00s. Rihanna wishes they didn't stop.

"Disturbia" - This is about that shitty film starring Shia LaBeouf.

"Pon de Replay" - Should actually read "pond ere play", in which Rihanna encourages people to play in ponds, a view not really shared by anybody with an ounce of reason. Not to be confused for "ponder EP lay", which would indicate Rihanna giving serious thought to having sex with an extended play album.

"Make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world" - She wants her boyfriend to kill every other female on Earth.

"Russian Roulette" - is not about the actual game of Russian roulette, as famously depicted in The Deer Hunter, but is actually about people playing an innocent card game in St Petersburg.

"Shut up and drive" - a song about a game of golf gone awry when the people in front of her won't stop talking in lieu of hitting the ball.

"Take a bow" - about a theft at an archery centre.

"We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky" - this is about an experience she had staring into a mirror for several hours after taking a large dose of LSD

"Umbrella" - this was written because she couldn't think of any words that rhyme with "parasol".

So the next time you dismiss Rihanna's music, just think about the depth of some of her lyrics. Then laugh at her ridiculous tattoos. Jesus, they are horrible.




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